So, today I went to work out which always feels so good afterwards, yet it’s like pulling teeth out of my own mouth to actually get there. I was listening to my i-pod which was the 2nd best Christmas gift I received this year, and I felt so refreshed. I’m starting to feel more connected with people, it feels good to look people in the eye. I know that things are changing in this season of my life and I definitely feel those winds blowing. The breeze is nice, but at the same time I’m scared as sh*t. But I will not let negativity and loneliness get me down. I can’t believe I actually succumbed to feeling sad and depressed yesterday when I can’t even count the good things happening in my life at this very moment. Things that seemed like they would never happen. My dreams are getting closer and closer, and I’m feeling more and more alive by the day. I bless God for this.
I went bra shopping which is always a horrendous experience….came out with zilch and a disgust for bra-makers everywhere who don’t consider the skinny big-chested girls like me when designing those atrocities that no woman can get away from. I truly hate braziers…..almost as much as I love paper towels!!!!! See how I changed that negative thought process into a positive one? That’s the story of my life.
Unlike yesterday, I feel stupendous today, like I can do anything except maybe bungee-jump. I want to promise that I’m going to write at least 3 times a week. I want to promise this because, like I keep telling mostly myself, I want to be a better writer. I want to stop fantasizing about people’s reactions to what I have to say and just interpret the notions of my heart as I’m doing now. I want to stop second-third-and fourth guessing my words and my actions because of this nagging feeling of inferiority to any and everyone that I’ve had all of my life. Although I’ve come a very long way. I’m much more of myself, upright and strong and decisive, than I’ve ever been. But I want to uncover the rest of myself that I’m certain is alive and kicking. Pray for me on my journey.
Enough rambling for now….Odabo.
