Afroye's Weblog

afroye — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:06:06 +0000

Short Story (to be continued)

January wouldn’t go away. It lingered on like a wound never properly healed. Long gone was the summer heat and rain, and the trees had long since shed their coverings. They now lay naked and bare waiting for the snow to cover them once again. But it refused to snow this year. Children were still anticipating it, and adults seemed to be holding their breath, hoping and praying that it stayed away. It just wouldn’t snow. There was an air of longing….or maybe it was fear, George couldn’t particularly tell as he sat outside his home on the porch waiting for his morning paper. He sure felt different. The bitter cold bit and stung his face and his hands. Every other part of his body was covered is some knit or wool. George didn’t mind the cold. This has really become his morning ritual, he thought, as he rocked back and forth on the rickety old wooden chair Elan had bought him. He remembered that day so clearly, that bright Saturday morning. She was radiant that day. She had drug him along to the Uhuru Flea Market at Clark Park. That woman never missed a Saturday and she would always come back with some gadget, painting, or book that she’d swear she’d been looking for for years. That bright Saturday morning, she fell in love with that rocking chair, and George fell in love with her all over again.

“Good morning, Mr. Latimore”, George heard as he was jerked from his morning thoughts. The paper boy. “Well, heeeey there Lonny, how’s it going this morning?” The boy shook his head and answered, “It’s cold as hell, but what can you do…gotta make that money, you know what I’m saying, Mr. Latimore?” George stood up to meet the boy on the steps, “What’d I tell you about that language, boy? Now I know what you’re saying, but you just make sure you keep your grades up at the same time, alright?” “Oh sure thing, Mr. Latimore, sure thing”, Lonny chuckled and said as he rode away………

…………………

afroye — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 21:18:55 +0000

I am so digging this piece right here….Bout time, Ms Badu. Now if only Ms Hill would get on board.

afroye — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:08:33 +0000

this is how I felt this morning

Sunlight is a de’light’ful gift

Sleep comes and before I close my eyes

I already crave the sacred light that will wake me the next day

When mind speaks to body, and body won’t listen

Light speaks to skin, skin speaks to soul somewhere deeper

and body always listens to soul

____________

I feel like I’m becoming one of those people who have breakthroughs every other day, the kind of people that I balk and roll my eyes at in secret. Ever so often, some new revelation realized about life that seems obvious to me. (Cynical, anti-hype me proceeds to roll eyes). But dammit if there isn’t a lot to break through these days. It’s becoming seriously apparent that it’s rather different to view something as obvious and to know it, but experiencing that something makes that knowing go a little deeper and grab root in the ground of yourself, and then you really really realize that life point and have an “aha” moment like Oprah says. And that can happen several times, lessons revisiting people in different forms, hence the revelation junkie which I’m becoming

Latest revelation- I really really really can’t make everything I want to happen happen all at once. That was a lot of repeated words, but it’s true. When I get on a roll, or get excited about something, I run (I mean run) with it. Then when I get tired, I have to literally talk myself out of the hype and realize that life (God) will have its way…do what I can, then let it go.

I admit that the fact that I can now work, drive, move out from under family’s roof, support myself, finish my education, have a bank account…..all these things that my 24 year old self could not do before January 2008 is doing a number on me. My mind has been racing, planning, and driving the rest of me crazy. Which is understandable. Oh yea, have I mentioned in this blog that I’ve been under the mercy of the US government for most of my life until now? Long and boring story which I might tell later. But I’m learning to let go. My lack of control over a lot of things in my life have resulted in me becoming a control freak. And talking myself down is happening a whole lot these days. But “back to the middle” is somewhere I’m ending up more frequently lately. God is such a creative teacher.

TODAY

afroye — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 14:47:13 +0000

TODAY

I PRAY FOR PEACE OF MIND, BODY, AND SOUL

RELISHING OF MOMENTS

NO MORE WORRYING

LESS PLANNING

ACCOMPLISHMENT OF GOALS

RELAXATION

STRENGTH IN BODY

HONEST COMPANIONSHIP

TRUTH IN ALL THINGS

SPONTANEITY

COURAGE, WISDOM

I WELCOME ACTION AND MOTION

FEELING AND EXPRESSION

LAUGHTER AND TEARS

RISKS WITH NO FEAR

TODAY

I CRAVE CONNECTION AND CELEBRATION

WITH MY CREATOR AND HIS CREATION

WHOLENESS AND WELLNESS

NOTHING LESS

afroye — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:50:48 +0000

I guess it’s proof that I’m horrendously out of shape that I feel like a train ran me over after one cardio workout. And this was Tuesday….I still feel like crap. Getting up in the morning is already a a task for me, but these past two nights, my body just refused to move. It’s rather pathetic. But, in better news, the fast is going pretty well. The week is flying by, so that’s making it easier.

I’m really getting into this election process and I’ve been watching CNN like a madwoman. This is the very first year that I’m following this mess and it’s kind of amusing in that it’s sort of like a soap-opera. Or should I say the media makes it seem like a soap-opera, which I don’t fault them for. It’s very entertaining if you’re able to sort through the drama and hear what the candidates are really saying. As of now, YES mainly because he’s black and I haven’t heard him say anything that I completely disagree with, I’m for Obama. I am keeping my eyes and ears open and trying to mostly watch the candidates actually speak and not the ping-ponging on these discussion shows.

Fast

afroye — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 18:30:38 +0000

Today marks the first day of a fast I and several others are taking part in. My mother has been in physical and emotional pain since her stroke in late 2006. As much as me and my family are grateful that she is still alive and made it through, her daily life has really been affected by the tremendous weight gain and continuous pain. So we’re taking 21 days to specifically pray and meditate on her healing while giving up something as a symbol.

I’m giving up meat and something else that I won’t disclose even though this is my blog and I’m supposed to be completely open. Yea…..so what…….you can’t make me. Sorry, that was the 6 year old me talking. Meat and I have parted ways before for periods of time, so I’m familiar with the lack. Nowadays, I call myself a vegetarian only when I feel like it, even though every time I do consume it, I feel a little nauseous during and after. You would think that would be enough to completely give it up, but oh how we humans indulge in self-destruction. Maybe this 21 days can jump start me once again. But anyway, here goes.

is it really a new year?

afroye — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 18:11:16 +0000

So, two weeks deep into this new year, i’m still in the typical contemplative new year mood that everyone gets into until approximately 12 am Feb 1st. My thoughts are, is it really a new year for me or is it just the same old recycled year? New Year’s eve around 10:30 pm, I had a little quiet time, lit my candles and incense, wrote in my journal, talked to God and promptly went to sleep at about 11:40 pm. This is new for me because I’m always out somewhere, usually church, on New Year’s eve. But I was content just staying home and having a peaceful night. Some of my thoughts as I was writing and thinking included:

leaving everything in 2007 behind and moving forward, reliving some eventful happenings in ’07, thinking about my goals (not setting any resolutions, though), thinking about things about myself that I want to change

Let me stop right here. Here’s where my problem lies. I’ve realized a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, but one of the most significant that keeps popping back up is that my most basic qualities, even the ones I hate with a passion, will probably never change. I just have to find a way to work around them and stop daily beating myself up for not being this other personality I so wish to be. Accepting myself is hard for me, because religious upbringing beat into my head that accepting people for who they are is most likely letting the devil trick you into thinking that things that are not ok are really ok.

But maybe I’m not supposed to be some Bible scholar, maybe I’m meant to be an occassional reader. Maybe watching mindless tv is something that helps me tune out(or tune in, depending on how you look at it), and not a bad habit. Maybe my spiritual indecision is a part of who I am right now and helps me to relate to so many different views on life, and I need to stop trying to forcibly box it in. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Well, it’s a new year in the sense that time is moving forward and we are all constantly growing and changing. But maybe I’ll leave it at that and save the resolutions and demands upon self for others. I’ll take it day by day.

afroye — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:37:54 +0000

Bitter is the word to best describe this cold outside. Like the wind was particularly angry today, so it decided to bite and sting with every step. As I walked around running my errands and seeing old friends, I noticed how people have their own special designated energy. Some are warm and just draw anyone in the vicinity to them. Some cold and distant. I don’t want to be in the latter category, although I feel my energy can translate as such sometimes. They’re called “emotional walls”:). But I admire that warm energy that radiates from some of my friends and even acquaintances so much because it makes me feel radiant just being around them. I enjoyed my rays of warmth today in this bitter cold.

afroye — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:30:14 +0000

I always thought blogging was silly. Who ever has that much to say about anything that they would write about some random subject every single day? And more importantly, who in their right mind would continuously read about some random stranger’s daily musings, who has the time? Unless it was just hilariously funny, or this person was some deep philosopher handing out answers to the great questions of life. There are enough reality television shows that I stalk, I thought, I don’t need to follow the stories of anyone else that I do not know personally, real or fictional.
My, how I’ve changed my views. The older I get, the more I appreciate randomness. Tidbits that I catch here and there that give me ideas, show me another point of view, inspire me to make my world beautiful. I think the inspiration is the most important part of it all. How selfish is that to think that I could not benefit from someone else’s experiences. And how demeaning to think someone could not learn from mine. Being too much of a realist and pessimist has always been one of my downfalls, especially anything new or trendy that is catching on with the general public. I’ll dismiss some skinny jeans in a second solely because they’re popular. (Well, they really don’t do my body any justice though).
Anyway, I want to write about my experiences, not hoping someone will read every single word, but hoping someone catches one word or one phrase that is familiar to something in their soul and makes them feel kinship with at least one person, or that pushes them to do something that will bring them closer to the person they want to become (That was a run-on sentence if I ever wrote one.) It’s happened for me numerous times and most of the time, I enjoy the process.

afroye — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 21:24:46 +0000

So, today I went to work out which always feels so good afterwards, yet it’s like pulling teeth out of my own mouth to actually get there. I was listening to my i-pod which was the 2nd best Christmas gift I received this year, and I felt so refreshed. I’m starting to feel more connected with people, it feels good to look people in the eye. I know that things are changing in this season of my life and I definitely feel those winds blowing. The breeze is nice, but at the same time I’m scared as sh*t. But I will not let negativity and loneliness get me down. I can’t believe I actually succumbed to feeling sad and depressed yesterday when I can’t even count the good things happening in my life at this very moment. Things that seemed like they would never happen. My dreams are getting closer and closer, and I’m feeling more and more alive by the day. I bless God for this.

I went bra shopping which is always a horrendous experience….came out with zilch and a disgust for bra-makers everywhere who don’t consider the skinny big-chested girls like me when designing those atrocities that no woman can get away from. I truly hate braziers…..almost as much as I love paper towels!!!!! See how I changed that negative thought process into a positive one? That’s the story of my life.

Unlike yesterday, I feel stupendous today, like I can do anything except maybe bungee-jump. I want to promise that I’m going to write at least 3 times a week. I want to promise this because, like I keep telling mostly myself, I want to be a better writer. I want to stop fantasizing about people’s reactions to what I have to say and just interpret the notions of my heart as I’m doing now. I want to stop second-third-and fourth guessing my words and my actions because of this nagging feeling of inferiority to any and everyone that I’ve had all of my life. Although I’ve come a very long way. I’m much more of myself, upright and strong and decisive, than I’ve ever been. But I want to uncover the rest of myself that I’m certain is alive and kicking. Pray for me on my journey.

Enough rambling for now….Odabo.